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US Politics

McCain’s LIV Message / A Comedy

A John McCain send up from the Obama site threads 29/7/08
Hope you enjoy it
JH

A Message for Low Information Voters (LIVs) – From John McCain  


By Andrea (I need a Tom-Tom to find that border between Pakistan and Iraq) Today at 12:52 am EDT

I’m John McCain and even though I don’t want to, I approve this message.
LIVs, I used to be called a Maverick. Someone who stood up to my party. Someone who would rather stand on principle than win a political battle.

My friends, those days are over. Long gone. Never to return.

Why?

Simply put.

Sen. Barack Obama

You see, LIVs, this young Senator from Illinois is kicking the crap out of me. He has new ideas, a fresh approach. He’s willing to stand up to both sides and state his beliefs even if unpopular. He’s smart, determined, shrewd, – all the things I know I am not. I cannot tell a Shiite from a Sunni. I still think Czechoslovakia exists. Hell I didn’t even know that Iraq and Pakistan don’t share a border. I’ve sold my soul to kiss up to George Bush, and now I’m stuck. Stuck. Stuck in a time warp. Stuck in a campaign without a message. Stuck with a loser staff and loser advisers. Stuck with Joe Lieberman.

So what can I do?

Well my LIV friends,

I will to lie to you. I will confuse the hell out of you. I will flip flop all over this great nation.

I will whine, complain and pee my pants that the media doesn’t love their Maverick anymore. I will stand in a cheese aisle and do absolutely nothing other than ramble on and on about the surge, pre-surge surge, and pre-pre-surge surge. I will use our troops as political pawns. I will make you distrust this Sen. Obama; make you question all of his good ideas. Make you think he is not one of you guys. Play on your fears and insecurities and even some of your prejudices.

I am determined to make you forget that I am a weak candidate representing a party that has totally eroded our Constitution and made our American name a laughing stock throughout the rest of the world. In essence I am going to play all of you LIVs stupid.

Thanks for listening.

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