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Asides

New Rules / Very Funny / Very True

Telling Thoughts Comment: 

Apparently these “New Rules” originated from Bill Maher’s program. They appeared on the Texas for Obama group Sunday 14th September.

I thought they were a scream! Hope you enjoy them too.

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New Rules


New Rule:
Aw, perfect. If you’re a baby mama trying to hide your baby daddy’s baby behind your mama’s baby, you just might be a redneck. At least when Obama got a convention bump, it wasn’t leaking amniotic fluid.

New Rule: Get a room. [shots of McCain and Palin] John McCain has called his VP his “soul mate.” Is this a running mate or a mid-life crisis? The old maverick is so hot for the MILF – he had to put a folder in front of his crotch because the “surge” was working.

New Rule: [with shot of Fred Thompson] You can’t criticize someone for giving a – quote – “teleprompter speech” in a speech you are reading off a “teleprompter.” Also, you can’t accuse the other guy of being a celebrity when you, yourself, have been in movies, starred on TV – and modeled for a shoe company. [shot of Thompson next to Hush Puppies hound] He looks like the…

New Rule: Democrats – Democrats must not treat Sarah Palin with kid gloves just because she’s a lady. And you can start at the debates. “Sarah Barracuda” meet “Joey the Shark.”

All right, and finally,

New Rule: Republicans must stop saying Obama is an elitist and just admit you don’t like him because of something he can’t help, something that’s a result of the way he was born. Admit it. You’re not voting for him because he’s smarter than you.

Now, in her acceptance speech, Governor Palin accused Obama of using his run for the White House as a “journey of personal discovery.” This from the lady who just spent ten minutes introducing her family: Track – Track, Trig, Bristol, Piper. For a minute there, I thought she was calling in an airstrike.

Karl Rove described Obama as – quote – “the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and making snide comments about everyone who passes by.” Unlike George Bush, who is the guy at the country club who makes snide comments and then passes out.

Now, this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous ass – but, remember, this is America, where people believe anything they hear. One of McCain’s ads casts Obama as “the one,” implying he thinks he’s the Messiah. Well, good, maybe he can raise McCain from the dead.

But, it doesn’t matter to Karl Rove that his country club caricature is made up. It’s the role that Obama must play if the party of plutocrats is going to win over the little guy. But, Barack Obama can’t help it is he’s a magna cum laude Harvard grad and you’re a Wal-Mart shopper – who resurfaces driveways with your brother-in-law.

Americans are so narcissistic that our candidates have to be just like us: not very bright. And that’s where the McCain camp gets their strategy. Paint Obama as cocky and arrogant and wait for America to vote him off like the black guy in every reality show.

A black president? Half of Pennsylvania isn’t ready for a black quarterback! Forget Obama. They think Will Smith needs to be taken down a peg. And they may be right about that one, I can tell you.

And as for “Country First,” you know who’s putting “Country First”? I am. By supporting Obama. Because a victory this fall for the McCain-Mooseburger ticket…would make my job the next four years very, very easy.
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