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Hillary too Boring to be POTUS/ WSJ

Wall Street Journal

OPINION

Hillary Is Too Boring to Be President

By JOE QUEENAN
May 16, 2008; Page A13

Journalists like to pretend that it makes no difference to them who gets elected president, but this is a lie. A few years ago, I disclosed in print that I had two handwritten notes from Steve Forbes that would vastly increase in value were he elected to the highest office in the land. Yes, I admired my ex-employer’s pluck and thought he had some wonderful ideas about simplifying the tax code. But the main reason I supported his candidacy was because of those two collectibles I could cash in. I may be venal and morally rudderless, but at least I’m honest.

Journalists, and especially humorists, need to come clean and admit that none of us ever really wanted to see Hillary Clinton in the White House. No, it isn’t her hair or her know-it-all attitude or her inexplicable marriage or her pitiful attempts to portray herself as a tribune of the working class or the fact that she went to Wellesley that puts us off. She’s just no fun, and politicians who are no fun are hard to write about. A barrel of monkeys is fun. A barrel of dead monkeys is no fun. Hillary is less fun that three barrels of dead monkeys. Maybe 300.

Down through our history, presidents have provided a cornucopia of chuckles for a hard-pressed electorate. Martin Van Buren was a fop. Andrew Jackson threatened to hang people who got on his nerves. Franklin Pierce took a daily nude swim in the Potomac, and is the only sitting president who ever ran someone over with a horse. Andrew Johnson was a boozehound, Warren Harding a lush, Zachary Taylor bust a gut and died after gorging himself on milk, cherries and pickles on July Fourth.

Chester Arthur was a clown, William Taft a porker, and Teddy Roosevelt wore farcical hats. Harry Truman threatened to beat up music critics, Gerald Ford fell down stairs, LBJ liked to dangle beagles by the ears, and Richard (“I’m Not a Crook”) Nixon was a laugh a minute. Ronald Reagan would say inappropriate things in inappropriate settings, George H.W. Bush didn’t know what a supermarket scanner was, George W. Bush projects the Alfred E. Newman look, and Jimmy Carter got attacked by a killer rabbit. As for Bill Clinton . . . well, we all know about Bill Clinton.   Link to WSJ full story>>

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